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- Infants who receive regular affectionate touch show stronger emotional regulation and brain development.
- Early skin-to-skin contact boosts oxytocin and reduces cortisol, promoting secure lifelong attachment.
- Adults with affectionate childhoods are more likely to form healthy romantic relationships.
- Kangaroo care in preterm babies improves survival and cognitive outcomes well into adolescence.
- Cultures with high-touch parenting raise children with enhanced social and emotional attunement.
In the 1950s, psychologist Harry Harlow made a discovery that changed things: infant monkeys preferred the comfort of a soft, cloth surrogate “mother” over a cold, metal one that provided food. This finding reshaped how we understand human development, showing the crucial role of affectionate physical touch in early childhood development, emotional regulation, and even the quality of romantic relationships later in life. Touch, it turns out, isn’t just comforting — it’s neurologically formative, biologically protective, and emotionally foundational.
The Biology of Touch: Our First Developed Sense
Touch is not only the first of our five senses to appear, but it also becomes active incredibly early in fetal development. Studies indicate that by just 8 weeks gestation, touch receptors start to form, and the fetus can respond to touch stimuli. By 20 weeks, fetuses have been seen reacting to touch on the mother’s abdomen.
This early sensory activation highlights that humans are biologically inclined to connect through tactile experience. Touch is far from being just one way of sensing the environment; it becomes our main method of communication with caregivers in the initial stages of life — an unspoken language that tells us we are loved, supported, and safe.
For newborns, touch is a key way to establish boundaries and identity: through the act of being stroked, cuddled, and held, babies start recognizing the difference between “self” and “other,” which is basic to developing social and cognitive skills later on.
Critical Mechanisms: Oxytocin, Cortisol, and Human Bonding
The neurological and biochemical effects of touch in infancy are significant. When a newborn is placed skin-to-skin with a caregiver, levels of oxytocin — the so-called “love hormone” — increase dramatically in both the baby and the adult. Oxytocin is critical in helping bonding, empathy, and trust. It also has a key function in reducing stress-related hormones like cortisol.
This hormonal interaction sets the scene for developing secure attachment patterns. In one study over time, skin-to-skin contact soon after birth significantly lowered infant cortisol levels while raising maternal oxytocin. This even had an effect on breastfeeding success and maternal sensitivity. These hormonal changes are not single events but part of a constant feedback loop between caregiver and infant that helps resilience to stress, emotional stability, and healthy relational expectations.
For parents, the caregiving moment has shared emotional benefits. Both mothers and fathers who take part in early, intentional touch have been found to have reduced levels of postpartum depression and anxiety suggesting that the biology of bonding goes both ways.
Early Touch and Brain Development
In addition to emotional regulation, physical touch is a crucial factor in brain and neural development in infants and young children. Skin-to-skin contact helps regulate vital physiological processes such as heart rate, body temperature, and sleep-wake cycles. According to research compiled by UNICEF, babies who experience daily nurturing touch also show better digestion, caloric absorption, and weight gain.
For preterm infants — whose development is often at risk — touch has an even more vital function. A large meta-analysis by Boundy et al. (2016) revealed that kangaroo care (a method involving extended skin-to-skin contact) led to a significant decrease in neonatal mortality, infection risk, and hypothermia, while greatly improving breastfeeding and weight gain rates.
The long-term benefits are just as significant. A 10-year study by Feldman et al. (2014) found that premature infants who received daily kangaroo care developed stronger cognitive control, better stress regulation, and more socially attuned behaviors throughout childhood. This highlights the direct connection between early touch and lifelong neurological outcomes.
Cultivating Emotional Security During Childhood
Beyond the newborn phase, consistent touch continues to have a vital role in early childhood development. During the first month of life, infants who regularly receive nurturing touch show better emotional expressiveness and are soothed more easily when upset [Bigelow & Power, 2011]. Over the first few years, these early experiences build what some researchers call “emotional scaffolding” — a basic structure that supports the child’s ability to identify, process, and manage emotions.
By age nine, the long-term emotional benefits of affectionate touch are clear. Children who experience regular, thoughtful physical interactions are more likely to express their emotions in suitable ways, maintain trust with caregivers, and relate to others in prosocial ways.
Anthropologist and linguist Marjorie Goodwin, along with Asta Cekaite, introduced the idea of “haptic rituals” — routines of touch like hugs, strokes on the back, or cuddles that communicate care through physical closeness [Goodwin & Cekaite, 2019]. These consistent actions help children feel “body-secure” — a term they use to describe the unconscious recognition of being valued and cared for. This kind of security becomes basic not only for emotional regulation but also for identity formation and perspective-taking.
The Impact on Adulthood: Attachment and Love
The emotional marks from early physical nurturing don’t disappear with age — they continue throughout our life, especially in how we engage in romantic relationships. Adults who experienced warm, consistent caregiver touch tend to form what’s known as secure attachment styles. These individuals usually feel comfortable with closeness, trust their partners, communicate more clearly, and are more resilient when relational stress occurs.
In contrast, those with little exposure to affectionate touch in childhood often show signs of anxious or avoidant attachment. Anxiously attached adults may fear being left and seek constant reassurance, while avoidantly attached ones may struggle with vulnerability and emotional disclosure.
Empathy — a key part of keeping romantic intimacy — is also connected to early tactile experiences. Beebe et al. (2010) showed that infants who took part in rich, touch-based interactions with caregivers had a better ability to synchronize emotional cues later in life [Beebe et al., 2010]. These studies indicate that seemingly simple moments of early touch set the neural base for emotional intelligence — a skill critical to romantic partnership success.
Cross-Cultural Evidence: A Universal Language of Love
Around the world, there’s strong anthropological evidence suggesting high-touch parenting as a common practice rather than something unusual. Indigenous cultures such as the !Kung of southern Africa, the Inuit of the Arctic, and communities in Bali are known for high levels of affectionate touch between caregivers and infants [Small, 1998].
In these cultures, children are carried closely, breastfed often, and extensively massaged or touched throughout the day. Anthropologists argue that such practices establish a deep emotional connection early in life, promoting empathy, cooperation, and strong interpersonal skills later on.
Perhaps one of the most interesting linguistic examples of this idea is the Japanese and Korean term “skinship” — a mix of “skin” and “relationship” — referring to the emotional closeness that comes from touch. This term highlights the recognized cultural value of physical intimacy as something that comes before emotional depth and relational wholeness.
Misconceptions and Cultural Barriers
Despite a growing amount of research, wrong ideas about the role of early touch still exist — especially in Western societies. In the early 20th century, renowned behaviorist John B. Watson warned parents of the dangers of “too much affection,” wrongly linking physical closeness with weakness, co-dependence, or moral decay.
These outdated views continue to be heard in parental advice today, often expressed as fears of “spoiling” a child. Yet, studies clearly show that tactile nurturing actually helps autonomy and emotional resilience, not dependency. Children who are securely attached learn they can return to comfort when needed — which surprisingly makes them more confident in discovering the world on their own.
Furthermore, legal and institutional policies in some schools and childcare centers may discourage even appropriate forms of touch from educators, possibly depriving children of emotionally grounding experiences during important developmental times.
The Science of Reconnection: Is it Ever Too Late?
If you didn’t receive tender, physical nurturing in your early years, is your attachment path set forever? Luckily, research in neuroplasticity offers a hopeful answer: no.
The adult brain keeps the ability to form new neural pathways — especially through emotionally meaningful interactions. Intentional touch, even later in life, can help change attachment expectations and redefine emotional security. Activities like professional massage, weighted blanket therapy, long hugs with loved ones, and even therapeutic holding techniques in psychotherapy have been shown to cause oxytocin production and reduce chronic stress.
In romantic relationships, practicing intentional, consensual affectionate touch — like hand-holding, face caresses, or cuddling — can help trust, deepen intimacy, and even help partners heal past relational traumas. The brain didn’t close the door on love; instead, it left it open for you to find a new way in.
Practical Takeaways: How Caregivers and Parents Can Help Lasting Bonds
There’s nothing high-tech about giving the most basic needs for a child’s emotional development. Here are practical strategies based on science
- Start skin-to-skin contact right after birth and continue daily to strengthen both infant-body regulation and parent-child bonds.
- Create bedtime rituals — including gentle rubs, cuddles, or calm holds — to establish emotional security.
- Offer intentional physical gestures throughout the day: hand-holding, hair brushing, shoulder taps during success or struggle.
- Teach caregivers and staff in schools, hospitals, and daycare centers about the importance of healthy, safe touch in child development.
- Advocate for parental leave policies and support breastfeeding and baby-wearing practices as public health needs.
Each loving touch is a small message that says: “You matter. You’re safe. You’re loved.”
Implications for Supporting Healthy Romantic Relationships
Our early experiences of physical comfort and affection create a base for how we love and expect to be loved. In adult romantic relationships, these patterns appear in real ways. People securely bonded in their formative years often show
- Greater satisfaction with emotional and sexual intimacy
- Increased trust and vulnerability
- Improved communication and conflict resolution
- Secure independence with interdependence
For therapists and relationship coaches, looking at touch history can be a needed part of helping clients rebuild stronger, more caring romantic connections. It may not matter whether the client prefers words, acts of service, or gifts if physical affection has never felt safe — or always felt missing. Healing starts with intention and awareness.
What a Hug Can Teach Us About Human Nature
From womb to relationships, touch acts as a biological signal and emotional currency — shaping who we are, how we love, and how we deal with life’s challenges. It’s one of the simplest, yet most life-changing parts of human experience.
To give someone the confidence to love and be loved, you often don’t need a speech — you need a touch. A hug, a hand, a steady presence. These actions speak to our basic need for connection and offer hope for healing, no matter where you’re starting from.
Whether you’re a new parent, a hopeful partner, or someone on a personal growth path — let your touch say this: you’re not alone. You are felt. You are cherished.
