⬇️ Prefer to listen instead? ⬇️
- Men often underestimate peers’ willingness to seek help for depression, creating a false social norm.
- Pluralistic ignorance significantly contributes to depression stigma in men.
- Accurate peer perceptions can encourage men to pursue therapy.
- Studies show men are more open to therapy than they publicly express.
- Non-disclosure patterns in men reinforce societal silence around mental health.
Although mental health awareness has gradually expanded in recent years, many men still find it exceptionally difficult to seek help for depression. What’s striking is not just their reluctance—but the inaccurate beliefs they hold about how other men would respond to mental health challenges. This misjudgment, shaped by a psychological phenomenon called pluralistic ignorance, creates a vicious cycle: men who would otherwise seek support stay silent, believing they are alone, thereby reinforcing the very stigma they fear. This article examines how distorted social perceptions worsen depression stigma in men, and what can be done to dismantle them.
Understanding Pluralistic Ignorance in Mental Health
Pluralistic ignorance is a well-documented psychological pattern in which people misjudge what others privately think or feel. In essence, individuals conform outwardly to perceived social norms, even when those norms contradict their personal beliefs.
In the case of men and depression, this manifests as a disconnect between what a man feels personally—perhaps sadness, stress, or the need for professional support—and what he assumes other men believe is appropriate to express or act upon. He might be open to seeking a therapist but fears that doing so deviates from masculine norms, as he assumes his peers would never take the same step.
This misperception is more than a cognitive error; it becomes a social barrier. If every man privately supports therapy but assumes others don’t, no one speaks up, and silence becomes self-reinforcing. That’s how mental health stigma lingers—not because it’s truly widespread, but because people think it is.
Why It’s Dangerous
The more this illusion continues, the harder it becomes to break the cycle. Men stop talking not because they lack feelings or don’t value health but because they misread their environments. This deference to assumed norms leads to
- Delayed or never initiated treatment
- Increased risk of worsening symptoms
- Emotional disconnection from personal support systems
- A social culture that equates emotional expression with weakness
Essentially, pluralistic ignorance acts like a social contagion: the misread gets repeated until it feels real.
Behind the Perception Gap: Key Findings from Recent Research
A pivotal 2024 study led by Hege H. Bye, Frida L. Måseidvåg, and Samantha M. Harris in Sex Roles unpacked exactly how pluralistic ignorance operates in mental health contexts—specifically looking at the dynamics of men and depression.
Experiment 1: The Help-Seeking Illusion
Participants were introduced to a character experiencing depression and asked to forecast two things
- How likely they personally would be to seek help in a similar circumstance
- How likely they believed other typical men or women would be to do the same
The experiment revealed a striking discrepancy.
Key Observations
- Men reported personal openness to therapy, but rated “most men” as significantly less likely to do so.
- Women also underestimated men’s likelihood to seek help—even more drastically than men did.
- In contrast, women’s assessments of “most women” were accurate compared to their own responses.
These findings point to a potent gender distortion: men generally perceive a cultural resistance around them where there may be none.
And this distortion doesn’t just sit passively in the mind—it influences behavior.
Gender Gaps in Mental Health Norms
Why do women seem to get it “right” when it comes to interpreting peer behavior around mental health, while men fall short?
It’s likely due to longstanding models of gender socialization. Women have, over decades, formed spaces—both cultural and intergenerational—where emotions and vulnerability are more frequently discussed and modeled. Consequently, women tend to have a more accurate read on social attitudes towards therapy and support-seeking.
Men, meanwhile, may inherit a legacy of stoicism and suppression, where discussing feelings is not normalized—even discouraged. As a result, their internal compass for gauging others’ opinions about mental health is skewed.
The Social Implications
These inaccurate social perceptions can have wide-scale impacts
- Men may avoid disclosing mental distress due to anticipated—even imaginary—judgment.
- Support systems may be underutilized, even when available.
- A culture of silence and emotional repression persists, potentially increasing suicide rates and substance abuse, both of which are higher among men than women globally.
The message is clear: if men are to seek help, they must first trust that others won’t condemn them for it.
Disclosure Dilemma: What We Show vs. What We Feel
Moving beyond hypothetical scenarios, the same research team conducted a second experiment exploring willingness to disclose mental health struggles, particularly in two different contexts: among friends and among professional colleagues.
Key Insight
While both men and women endorsed the value of openness about mental health, actual behavior painted a different picture—especially among men.
Men were far less likely than women to report that they would disclose their depression diagnosis or therapy experience
- Especially in workplaces
- Even among friends, disclosure remained limited
This shows a behavioral-value gap: men believe in honesty, but struggle to enact it due to perceived risk.
Why Context Matters
The workplace, often steeped in competition and status dynamics, seems to be a particularly threatening environment for mental health disclosure. Fear of being seen as weak, unreliable, or “unstable” can suppress authenticity.
And when no one shares, it appears as though there’s nothing to share, deepening the stigma.
When Openness Is Endorsed but Not Enacted
This contradiction—valuing transparency but struggling with it—highlights just how powerful social context and internalized expectations can be.
Though most participants agreed that others should disclose depression or therapy use, personal reluctance remained high. The inconsistency brings to light a society in transition: values have progressed, but behaviors lag behind.
What’s getting in the way?
- Fear of judgment
- Concerns over becoming a topic of gossip
- Consequences at work (real or imagined)
- Residual gender norms linking emotional expression to weakness
Ultimately, the disconnect between endorsement and action is a call to tackle not just the values framework, but the interpretation of social safety.
Why It Matters: The Impact of Perceived Norms on Behavior
The key takeaway from the research is this: people act based on what they believe others will do. In many male social groups, these beliefs are founded in error.
Imagine a group of ten male coworkers. Seven of them are actually in favor of therapy—but all ten think they’re in the minority. That misconception alone is enough to stop anyone from pursuing help, or from opening up to others.
The solution is simple in theory
Make the truth visible: Most men are more supportive of help-seeking than anyone thinks.
And when one man speaks the truth, it gives others permission to do the same.
The Vicious Cycle of Silence
Here’s how the cycle runs
- A man feels depressed.
- He avoids therapy, thinking others will judge him.
- He doesn’t talk about his feelings or experiences.
- His silence confirms others’ fears about stigma.
- They repeat the same avoidance.
Over time, silence becomes equated with normalcy, and only extreme cases are seen as requiring intervention. This leads to higher risks, missed early interventions, and long periods of suffering in isolation.
Breaking this cycle requires courage—but also models of what breaking the cycle looks like.
Mental Health as a Social Conversation
One example is the recent push from high-profile men who’ve publicly discussed their struggles with mental health.
From NFL stars to award-winning musicians, these men are creating a new narrative: one where seeking help is a sign of insight, not inadequacy.
Their real stories do critical work
- Normalize vulnerability in the public eye
- Offer social proof that men face depression too
- Create ripple effects in families, friend groups, and workplaces
Openness begets openness, and peer validation becomes a healing tool.
Clinical Implications: What Therapists and Providers Should Know
Mental health professionals need to recognize that a man’s decision to seek therapy may hinge less on his personal readiness and more on his social perception of what other men do.
Recommendations for Clinicians
- Normalize male therapy use from the first session.
- Offer male group therapy or support circles.
- Use motivational interviewing to assess and correct misperceived norms.
- Highlight peer testimonials or success stories involving men.
- Directly challenge social myths using evidence (like this research).
Therapists aren’t just working with individuals—they’re working with the social expectations absorbed by those individuals.
Rethinking Masculinity: Conversations that Redefine Strength
To address depression stigma in men, we have to redefine the traits we associate with masculinity. Traditional models reward
- Independence
- Stoicism
- Toughness
But newer models must include
- Emotional intelligence
- Openness to growth
- Capacity for reflection
- Willingness to seek help
Culturally, the challenge is to rebuild masculinity around resilient vulnerability—the idea that strength isn’t about holding it all in, but about knowing when to reach out.
How to Create Change: From Norms to Action
Systemic shifts happen because of grassroots momentum. Individual efforts, when visible, escalate into cultural transformation.
Concrete ways to promote change include
- Men’s Mental Health Ambassadors in schools and workplaces
- Campaigns featuring everyday men discussing therapy
- Workshops targeting emotional literacy among adolescent boys
- Employer policies that protect mental health disclosures
- Education reform incorporating mental health into health class discussions
When we make emotional openness not just acceptable, but expected, the silence breaks.
Mental Health Campaigns That Work
Some of the most effective campaigns tackling depression stigma in men include
- Movember: Goes beyond mustaches to target men’s suicide and depression rates.
- Heads Up: Backed by elite athletes, this project redirects masculine ideals from silence to self-awareness.
- Time to Change: Previously active UK campaign famous for sharing real-life mental illness stories.
These campaigns succeed because they show, not tell. Men see others talking about emotions—so the act becomes thinkable, then doable.
Looking Forward: A More Empathetic Future for Men’s Mental Health
A hopeful future requires coordinated action
- Media must stop shaming and start showing complexity.
- Families must model vulnerability.
- Schools must create room for feelings to be taught—not feared.
- Mental health discourse must spotlight men’s stories of resilience, not just breakdown.
Ultimately, when men know they’re not alone in their struggles, they loosen the grip on silence. And where shame dissolves, healing begins.
Reclaiming Help-Seeking as Human, Not Gendered
At the heart of this issue is a simple truth: depression is not masculine or feminine—it’s human. And so is the act of seeking help.
Let’s strip away the faulty ideas that block people—especially men—from accessing the care they deserve. Let’s speak loudly for those still trapped in misperception. And most importantly, let’s make sure that when a man searches for support, he finds understanding, empathy, and welcome—not stigma.
Citation
- Bye, H. H., Måseidvåg, F. L., & Harris, S. M. (2024). Men’s help-seeking willingness and disclosure of depression: Experimental evidence for the role of pluralistic ignorance. Sex Roles. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-025-01574-6
