- The taxi cab theory proposes that people commit to relationships when they are ready, not necessarily because they’ve found their perfect match.
- Studies show that commitment psychology includes factors like life experiences, attachment styles, and psychological readiness—beyond just timing.
- The II3 Model of Relationship Commitment suggests that investment, satisfaction, and attachment determine long-term relationships more than external life stages.
- Believing too strongly in the taxi cab theory can lead to frustration, self-doubt, and confirmation bias, making dating unnecessarily stressful.
- Instead of waiting for a “ready” partner, focusing on emotional alignment, communication, and shared values leads to more fulfilling relationships.
Does romantic commitment depend solely on the right time in life? The taxi cab theory suggests that people become open to serious relationships when they feel ready—like a taxi turning on its light—rather than committing based on who they meet. This idea has become popular in dating discussions, but does it reflect reality? Let’s dive into the psychology of commitment, the role of timing, and what truly influences relationship success.
What Is the Taxi Cab Theory?
The taxi cab theory proposes that people enter relationships when they feel emotionally and situationally “ready.” If someone is not in a “committed phase” of their life, they might avoid serious relationships—even if they meet someone’s ideal partner. Essentially, they flip the switch on or off based on timing rather than compatibility.
Origins of the Theory
This theory doesn’t come from psychological research but rather from anecdotal observations—especially about men’s dating behavior. It suggests that a person’s life stage plays a bigger role than any traits of their potential partner. Popularized in dating conversations, the theory implies that one partner may be “the right person” but “at the wrong time.”
But is timing really the most significant factor in commitment?
The Psychology of Commitment and Relationship Timing
While timing is an important aspect of relationships, commitment psychology suggests that many psychological, emotional, and situational factors come into play. Here are three key influences
Life Stage and Readiness
- Many people become more open to commitment after reaching career stability, emotional maturity, or personal growth milestones.
- Major life transitions (graduating, moving, or job changes) can impact someone’s ability to commit (Holmes & Johnson, 2009).
Attachment Styles and Emotional Stability
- People with secure attachment styles may feel comfortable committing at an earlier stage.
- Those with avoidant tendencies might delay relationships, regardless of timing.
Internal vs. External Motivation for Commitment
- Some people commit because they feel emotionally ready. Others do it due to external reasons—social pressures, family expectations, or even loneliness.
- External motivations often lead to less stable relationships, as commitment isn’t based on genuine emotional readiness.
Does Research Support the Taxi Cab Theory?
While the taxi cab theory suggests timing is the main reason for commitment, scientific studies point to a more complex reality
- Sprecher & Felmlee (2020) found that while life’s timing does influence relationship decisions, personality and relationship satisfaction are stronger predictors of long-term outcomes.
- The II3 Model of Relationship Commitment (Arriaga & Agnew, 2001) emphasizes that investment, attachment, and satisfaction hold more weight than external life stages.
- Psychologists Eastwick & Finkel (2008) highlight the problem of retrospective justification—where people believe timing was the issue when, in reality, deeper compatibility factors were at play.
Key Insight: Relationship success is guided more by mutual emotional investment than just hitting a life milestone.
How the Taxi Cab Theory Affects Mental Health
Believing strongly in the taxi cab theory can shape how people experience dating, sometimes in unhealthy ways. Here’s how
Frustration from “Waiting for the Light to Turn On”
- People may feel powerless if they believe they must wait for a partner to be “ready,” sometimes leading to prolonged emotional attachment to an unavailable person.
Self-Doubt and Relationship Anxiety
- Individuals may question if they’re “enough” instead of recognizing that timing isn’t the only factor.
- This thinking can lead to lower self-worth and unrealistic expectations about what influences commitment.
Confirmation Bias and Overgeneralization
- People who believe in the theory might reinforce it by noticing relationships that fit the model while ignoring cases where timing wasn’t the main factor.
- This can lead to a biased belief system about love, reducing openness to new possibilities.
Takeaway: Commitments are not just about hitting a “right time” but about emotional alignment, personal growth, and conscious choices.
Critiques and Limitations of the Taxi Cab Theory
While the theory is easy to understand, it has major flaws
Overlooks Individual Agency
- People decide to commit—not just because of timing but because they actively choose to build a relationship.
Ignores the Influence of Personal and Social Factors
- People have different cultural, career, and emotional pressures that impact their romantic behaviors.
Fails to Address Long-Term Stability Factors
- Compatibility, shared values, and emotional connection ultimately determine whether a relationship lasts, not just when it starts (Holmes & Johnson, 2009).
Reality Check: While timing may affect relationship formation, emotional readiness, compatibility, and active effort matter far more.
Relationship Readiness vs. Timing: What Matters More?
Instead of focusing on whether timing is right, consider these readiness checkpoints
Do you and your partner share similar long-term goals?
Is there mutual emotional openness and honest communication?
Are past relationship wounds resolved, or are they affecting your current bond?
Instead of waiting for “the right time,” prioritize emotional readiness and partnership building.
Applying or Challenging the Taxi Cab Theory in Your Life
Want to break free from the idea that love is all about timing? Consider these strategies
Communicate Directly About Commitment
- If someone seems hesitant, ask: Is it truly timing, or is there uncertainty about the relationship itself?
Focus on Emotional Growth Over Waiting
- Instead of waiting for a partner to “flip the switch,” focus on whether your values and emotional needs align.
Recognize When to Move On
- If someone constantly delays commitment, it might not be about timing—it could be emotional avoidance.
Lesson: Relationships grow through active choices, not passive waiting.
Does Timing Really Decide Love?
The taxi cab theory is a compelling idea, but oversimplifies commitment psychology. While timing can influence relationships, the core predictors of relationship success are
Strong emotional connection
Mutual long-term goals
Personal and relational growth
Active communication and effort
Instead of focusing on when someone will be “ready,” prioritize who aligns with your emotional needs and future vision. Because ultimately, love isn’t just about timing—it’s about choice and compatibility.
Citations
- Arriaga, X. B., & Agnew, C. R. (2001). Commitment, relationship maintenance, and stability: The II3 model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(3), 389–403.
- Eastwick, P. W., & Finkel, E. J. (2008). The attachment dynamics of idealization in romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 15(1), 81–95.
- Holmes, B. M., & Johnson, M. D. (2009). Predicting relationship stability from life transitions and commitment decisions. Journal of Marriage and Family, 71(2), 307–320.
- Sprecher, S., & Felmlee, D. (2020). The role of timing in romantic commitment: Exploring temporal influences in mate selection. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(3), 476–495.
