- Up to 33% of young adults have experienced some form of digital dating abuse.
- People high in intrasexual competition are significantly more likely to engage in digital dating abuse.
- Agreeableness acts as a strong protective factor against engaging in online relationship abuse.
- Both men and women engage in digital dating abuse at similar rates, challenging traditional gender perspectives on relationship abuse.
- Digital dating abuse can lead to increased anxiety, lower self-esteem, and trust issues in relationships.
Digital dating abuse is an emerging concern in the modern era of online relationships. It involves behaviors such as unauthorized surveillance of a romantic partner’s online activity, isolating them from social interactions, or even impersonating them on social media. As the nature of relationships shifts increasingly into digital spaces, understanding why certain individuals engage in digital dating abuse is crucial. A recent study published in Evolutionary Psychology identifies intrasexual competition and personality traits (specifically agreeableness) as key psychological factors that contribute to this growing issue. By examining these factors, researchers hope to unravel the motivations behind online relationship abuse and provide insights critical for prevention and intervention.
What Is Digital Dating Abuse?
Digital dating abuse refers to the use of technology to control, stalk, harass, or manipulate a romantic partner. This form of abuse can be subtle or overt and often goes unnoticed due to the normalization of heavy digital communication between partners. Some of the most common behaviors include
- Monitoring a partner’s social media, messages, or location without consent.
- Restricting their interactions with others by demanding access to accounts or forbidding communication.
- Impersonating them online to damage their reputation or manipulate others.
- Sending aggressive messages, threats, or excessive check-ins to control their behavior.
A growing concern is that many individuals do not recognize these actions as abusive—especially younger individuals who have grown up in highly digitalized relationship dynamics. Studies estimate that up to 33% of young adults have experienced at least one form of digital dating abuse (Reed et al., 2016).
Unlike physical or emotional abuse, digital dating abuse thrives in the online sphere, making it harder to detect and even harder to regulate. Social media platforms and messaging apps provide constant accessibility, enabling abusers to maintain control without needing physical proximity.
What Psychological Factors Predict Digital Dating Abuse?
Two significant psychological predictors of digital dating abuse have been identified
- Intrasexual Competition (Rivalry with Same-Sex Individuals for Romantic Partners)
- Personality Traits, Particularly Agreeableness
Understanding these factors helps us comprehend why certain individuals are more prone to engaging in online relationship abuse and what steps can be taken to mitigate these behaviors.
The Role of Intrasexual Competition in Digital Dating Abuse
Intrasexual competition is the rivalry between individuals of the same sex as they compete for romantic partners. This evolutionary mechanism can spur jealousy, possessiveness, and behaviors aimed at maintaining exclusivity in relationships.
Psychologists argue that intrasexual competition has historically driven individuals to engage in mate retention behaviors, which range from subtle flirtation deterrence to controlling and aggressive actions. In modern relationships, technology has provided new avenues to exert control over a partner—including through digital dating abuse.
How Does Intrasexual Competition Fuel Digital Abuse?
- Fear of losing a partner to a perceived rival may drive excessive online surveillance.
- Blocking or restricting access to potential competitors prevents romantic threats.
- Digital impersonation allows an abuser to test their partner’s loyalty or create misunderstandings.
Key Finding: The study found that people high in intrasexual competition were significantly more likely to engage in digital dating abuse. This suggests that monitoring and controlling a partner may serve as a misguided mate-retention strategy.
While jealousy is a natural human emotion, allowing it to fuel controlling digital behaviors can create toxic relationship dynamics and psychological distress for both partners. Addressing insecurity and understanding the roots of possessiveness is essential for building healthy, trust-based relationships.
Agreeableness: A Protective Personality Trait Against Digital Dating Abuse
Personality traits have a profound influence on how people behave in relationships. Among the Big Five personality traits (agreeableness, conscientiousness, extraversion, neuroticism, and openness), agreeableness emerged as a key protective factor against digital dating abuse.
What Is Agreeableness?
Agreeableness measures how cooperative, empathetic, and compassionate an individual is toward others. Highly agreeable individuals tend to be
- Trusting rather than suspicious.
- Kind and considerate toward their partners.
- Open to communication instead of resorting to control.
On the other hand, individuals low in agreeableness are more prone to manipulative, controlling, and aggressive behaviors in relationships.
The Connection Between Low Agreeableness and Digital Dating Abuse
Researchers found that individuals low in agreeableness were more likely to engage in digital dating abuse. This underscores how a lack of empathy and high levels of relational distrust contribute to online controlling behaviors.
Key Finding: Among all personality traits, only agreeableness showed a strong relationship with digital dating abuse, while traits such as neuroticism had much smaller effects.
This suggests that building empathy, emotional intelligence, and trust in relationships can help reduce controlling and abusive tendencies—reshaping relationship dynamics for the better.
Are There Gender Differences in Digital Dating Abuse?
A core assumption in relationship abuse research is that men tend to be more abusive than women. However, when it comes to digital dating abuse, this study found no significant gender differences.
Both men and women engage in digital dating abuse at similar rates, suggesting that online control tactics are not limited to one gender.
That said, the motivations behind digital dating abuse may still differ based on gender roles and societal expectations. While future research is needed to explore these nuances, this finding challenges the traditional view that relationship abuse is predominantly male-driven.
Psychological Consequences of Digital Dating Abuse
Whether an individual is an abuser or a victim, digital dating abuse has significant mental health consequences
For Victims
- Increased anxiety from constant surveillance.
- Lower self-esteem due to feelings of inadequacy or control.
- Depression and emotional distress from relationship toxicity.
- Loss of trust in future relationships.
For Perpetrators
- Insecurity and jealousy cycles may worsen over time.
- Unhealthy dependency and possessiveness can lead to further controlling behaviors.
- Increasing engagement in digital abuse patterns raises the risk of offline abusive behaviors.
Recognizing the impact of digital dating abuse is essential for addressing relationship toxicity and fostering safer online interactions.
How to Prevent Digital Dating Abuse
While digital dating abuse is a growing issue, there are proactive steps individuals and couples can take to foster healthier digital interactions
Set Clear Boundaries – Discuss acceptable and unacceptable online behaviors with your partner.
Prioritize Trust Over Surveillance – If you feel the urge to check your partner’s messages, address the underlying insecurity rather than resorting to control.
Identify Warning Signs – Recognize when digital monitoring is becoming disproportionate or abusive.
Maintain Open Communication – If a concern arises, discuss it honestly and respectfully rather than using manipulation.
Educate Yourself & Others – Raising awareness about digital dating abuse helps minimize harmful behavior cycles.
Final Thoughts
The rise of digital dating abuse highlights how technology is reshaping relationship dynamics in both beneficial and harmful ways. By understanding the link between intrasexual competition, personality traits like agreeableness, and digital control behaviors, individuals can take steps toward building healthier online relationships.
Promoting digital boundaries, trust, and education is key to fostering respectful, abuse-free partnerships in the digital age. As online interaction continues to play a central role in modern dating, ongoing research will be crucial in mitigating harm and shaping positive relationship standards.
Citations
- Bhogal, M. S., & Taylor, M. (2024). The role of intrasexual competition and the Big Five in the perpetration of digital dating abuse. Evolutionary Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1177/14747049241288188
- Reed, L. A., Tolman, R. M., & Ward, L. M. (2016). Gender matters: Experiences and consequences of digital dating abuse victimization in adolescent dating relationships. Journal of Adolescence, 52, 14–23.
- Fox, J., & Tokunaga, R. S. (2015). Romantic jealousy and online surveillance in dating relationships: Social media monitoring and partner direct aggression. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 18(12), 716–720.
